February 2012
20 posts
shit week 2k12
This week is terrible and will continue to be terrible. I have so much to do in school and outside of school I am very stressed and that makes me eat a lot and and and ugh. I honestly do not know how I am going to keep the small amount of sanity I have left. I cannot wait for this week to be over. Fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND HERE I AM FUCKING BLOGGING
“Water is the softest thing, yet it can penetrate mountains and earth. This shows...”
– Lao Tzu
everyone: are you okay
everyone: you look tired
everyone: you look upset
everyone: you look confused
everyone: are you mad at me
everyone: what are you mad at
me: IT'S MY FAAAAAAAAACE
“Worry pretends to be necessary but serves no useful purpose.”
– Eckhart Tolle
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Today is Valentine’s Day. I guess I am not content being alone, but the fact that it is Valentine’s Day doesn’t really bother or upset me. Just another day. All these people complaining about it are quite annoying. I really hope I can do Summer In The City this summer. It’s a fantastic opportunity. Although, if I go I will be away from my friends for a whole month and...
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So That You Will Hear Me
So that you will hear me my words sometimes grow thin as the tracks of the gulls on the beaches. Necklace, drunken bell for your hands smooth as grapes. And I watch my words from a long way off. They are more yours than mine. They climb on my old suffering like ivy. It climbs the same way on damp walls. You are to blame for this cruel sport. They are fleeing from my dark lair. You fill everything,...
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I think if I stop drinking Diet Coke my muffin top will go away. Ugh internal conflict. I’ve at least gotta bring it down to one a day, for now.
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A lot of sadness just came over me.
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I don’t think I’ve ever hated someone as much as I hate my mother.
“I can’t explain what I mean. And even if I could, I’m not sure I’d feel like it.”
– J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye
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I have a lot to do. I wish I had some drugs.
me: im so happy today, nothing can bring me down
people: let us arrange that for you
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I am thinking about deleting this blog.
“There were days when she was unhappy, she did not know why,—-when it did not...”
– Kate Chopin, The Awakening
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chin up
I have been having so many reflective thoughts lately. They stumble all over each other in my mind. I would write them down but I have a weird problem writing complex thoughts down. I have to really think and not be bothered or have anything important (eh) to do and be in a certain mood. How is that for a run-on sentence. Even with the Music Man being over, my life is still pretty busy. I guess I...
January 2012
26 posts
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no words
I’m very tired. My soul feels bad right now, if that’s even possible. We’re out of Diet Coke; kill me. My mother broke up with her boyfriend. It’s weird to think she broke up with him; I feel like he was too good for her. I have so much to do. My friendships and relationships with a few people have been changing pretty drastically lately. I am so tired.
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yigga
I have a lot on my mind and I want to ride, but I am oh so tired. I’m basically just waiting and waiting until the new Rosie Thomas album comes out. I need to start exercising more and eating less.
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Smooth - Another Life
“And so being young and dipped in folly I fell in love with melancholy.”
– Edgar Allan Poe
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The past couple of days have been Rosie Thomas days. I am so tired and I can’t seem to care about anything. I am so behind on school work and I keep using my excuses of The Music Man and exhaustion but I can feel my lack of understanding of recent material will catch up with me. Pretty drastic highs and lows for social interactions today. Someone I know is in the hospital because of morphine...
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Fucking christ every time I think about school I want to cry I don’t like so many people at my school and I hate my classes and my lack of intelligence I just want to be in New York and I just want to be happy.
why am i so gay
thank god 4 run-on sentences and music i guess
“And if all that is meaningless, I want to be cured
Of a craving for something I...”
– T.S. Eliot, The Cocktail Party
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i hate everyone
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I have this internal-cringe feeling whenever someone does something that makes me feel like they care about me and my feelings and whatnot. It’s weird. It also happens sometimes when people compliment me. It’s almost like someone has punched me in the stomach for a second.
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I had a really pretty shitty day, but I expected it from the moment I woke up (late). My mother is slowly turning into an alcoholic, I think. It’s almost amusing. My social interactions were kind of weird today. But when aren’t they really. I have a bunch of homework I should be doing right now. For second quarter my grade in Pre-Cal was a 73. For first semester it is a 69. I really...
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My body is fucking disgusting.
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I would like to take a moment to say almost everything by Cake is top-notch quality. One could not dislike their music even if they wanted to with every bone in their body.
fuck it’s already ten thirty fuck
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I really should be studying for my chemistry exams and also my lines. I’m in the midst of researching colleges and I just saw that NYU only requires 3 math units, recommending 4. That’s crazy. I thought most colleges required 4 and recommended 5 math credits. If I’m reading this correctly I probably won’t take a math course next year. I’ve taken Algebra, Algebra 2,...
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Lately I’ve been feeling less of a need to feel socially accepted. It’s weird. I just feel happy hanging out with people I like. Who would have thought it would be such an odd adjustment.
I’m getting sick. I feel terrible. Hopefully I’ll be able to perform well for my shows on Monday and Tuesday. I really want a cigarette.
“Knowing how to be solitary is central to the art of loving. When we can be...”
– Bell Hooks, All About Love: New Visions
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ugh
Today was a weird day. I wore my bangs blunt (instead of to the side like I usually do). I was pretty self-conscious about them and it was probably obvious. Appearance seemed to be a pretty big topic for me today. Another friend told me I looked like a teacher today. The made me feel pretty awesome (not). My other friend asked me if it was my new year’s resolution to not wear make-up (in...
“But your solitude will be a support and a home for you, even in the midst of...”
– Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet
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exhaustion
I’m so tired. I should really sleep before I attempt to do any homework but it’s already past eight; it’s almost too late to nap.
A couple of days ago I made a decision to not really sit with the people I sit with at lunch now. I may sound arrogant but I just can’t deal with their (low) levels of intelligence. They can be nice and all but I really can’t take it. I...
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New Year’s was pretty bad. At least overall. There were a few nice parts. First my friend Sarah and I went downtown to eat and I fell in love with the guy who took our order lol how lame. After leaving downtown we picked up our friend Khari went to our friend Max’s house. There weren’t that many people there but there was beer and it was good company. Oh plus I got some Vyvanse...
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lalalala i love amphetamines so much later i will make a post about new years ehe i’m watching Intervention right now i love this show i love how i am feeling i really really need to do schoolwork
December 2011
39 posts
“To hell, to hell with balance! I break glasses; I want to burn, even if I break...”
– Anaïs Nin
friend: so who are you going to kiss at midnight on new years? ;)
me: my laptop